Hey weather you know it’s fall right?

So everyday for me is pretty uneventful until spring, which is tornado season here in tornado ally. During that time of year the air feels electric before storms move in, it’s like you can feel how bad the storm is going to be. During this time of year my stomach is mostly in knots because I’m from California and even though I’ve lived here for 12 years I can’t get over that feeling.

Over the years I have tried my best to learn from our weather men and women, I pay attention to the way the a flat boring cloud can build up into the sky to create a beautiful yet terrifying thunderhead cloud. When you see that in spring most times it’s going to be an active day, and my stomach in knots.

Even though spring is the most active time of year for tornados, we can get them through out the whole year with winter being the rarest time. I didn’t know this fun fact for years and sometimes I miss that ignorance, but if I didn’t know it was possible then what happen today would of sent me in a full panic attack.

Today I woke up to a tornado warning phone alert and that was my first thought “hey weather you know it’s fall right?”, I turned the news on to see weather men and women telling people in my area to get to cover. Now when they tell you this and show the weather map it shows a path line for the storm, when I first got back here I thought that meant everyone is this path was going to be hit by the tornado (such a noob). In reality it shows the storms path but a small hook is seen in the front line of the storm and that’s your tornado.

Now it took me some time to shake the nerve off and pay attention, it was in our area but 10 miles away, the area of circulation which cause a tornado wasn’t a threat to us. I told my Gf to go back to sleep I’ll keep an eye on it and not even 2 mins later wind hit us so quick and hard I thought we were kinda screwed. I said get tf up because anyone who’s read my last post knows about the tree and I was afraid today was really the day it was going to fall. Luckily it was just strong wind and rain so thick you couldn’t see 10 feet I front of you.

In spring tornados are ef2-ef5 most times ef3s, today they were just dropping down out of the clouds like the fingers of God and going back up, so nothing to dangerous but it does damage. 3 cars where flipped over in one town today from either wind gust or a small tornado, roofs ripped off and it’s fall. As I said I understand it’s a possibility but it still felt weird and like mother nature wanted to mess with me today. I know I was all over the place in this post today but hey it wasnt a boring day.

life, Uncategorized

Is blogging the right choice for me?

I am new to blogging and when I say new I mean I have no idea what I am doing. I have read some blogs and researched it and I still didn’t come at this the way most do. Maybe thats a good thing, i’m not here to give you instructions or reveiws. I’m here to grow and maybe help some people to know that your not alone when it comes to stupid thoughts and fears.

For the past few years I have let my fears consume me to the point I don’t leave my house, the last time i was out in the world was about a year ago seeing my step daughter get married. 3 years ago I lost my mom and even though i was a 30 year old woman it broke me, it dosen’t matter your age or if your male or female when you lose a parent it’s life changing. When i heard my mind broke and a part of me died with her, i sat in the same place for hours rubbing the side of my head lost in my own mind.

I feel like that situation started it all, before her death i went out on occasion and things barely bothered me. Now i feel like a shell of a person, someone just existing not actually alive. A peice of the old me is still hanging on inside yelling at me to get my shit together, this isn’t the life i wanted for myself. I don’t find alot of things enjoyable anymore I mean when you do basicly the same thing for 3 years its bound to happen. Thats why I started this, it’s new and i’m making myself vaulnerable to grow. So yes I think this will be good for me and I hope it will be good for others, maybe if others like me see a change they will take the time to do something good for themselves.

We can grow, We can change and We can be free.



It’s 6:30 a.m and I haven’t been asleep yet. Sleep doesn’t come very easy for me and when I do sleep I’m a light sleeper. I’ve always been on my guard, always aware of the people or things around me. When I was younger I was like this but not as bad, back then I lived in the city (mostly the bad parts of town) and you grew up with that sence of awareness. Now that I’m older my sence of awareness have turned in to fears, some that everyday people might have but it’s the irrational fears that have kept me home for so long.

I fear writing this out for all to see but something inside of me is yelling for change, and in order to get to be the person I truly want to be I have to slowly conquer these fears and random thoughts. One thing that keeps me up most nights until I can’t physically keep my eyes open is the fact we have a huge dying tree leaning towards our house and we can’t afford to have it cut down, a tree of its size would cost around $1200 to have it cut down. So yes my imagination runs wild about this tree falling through the house and crushing me as I sleep.

So how does one get over something that isn’t in their control? My gf tells me to just forget about it and she does fine, shes snoring right now with no worries in the world about that tree. I’m sitting here always alert and afraid, the tree is just one of many things that I worry about but it’s the most comfortable example I feel like telling. There are fears I know I can’t get over unless I get professional help, but I know there are enough people out there who understand and will lend a helping tip or two.

I hope over time i can change and get better, and i hope you all come along for the ride.




First real entry

Well this is going to be an adventure for me, i don’t usually put myself out there to be seen by the whole world or well the very few who will probably read this. I find it hard to put myself in a lot of stressful or anxiety inducing situations, but this is a big step for me to be able to conquer that. I would hope that whoever chooses to read my blog will be nice but i can assume i will get a few trolls who don’t understand, but to those who do understand i really appreciate your patience with me. Please don’t hesitate to drop a comment or question for any of my post, it will really help me out in so many ways.


The Journey Begins

My name is Jessica, i’m 33 years old and don’t get out much. I wanted to start this blog for many reasons: making friends, venting, giving my opinion on life. I hope that with time not only will i make friends but i will learn how to live again instead of just existing.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton